Here I am again in this familiar place,
trying to hide my shame from Your beloved face.
If the heart breaks and no one’s around to hear, does it make a sound?
Does it cry out loud like a thousand broken beings that once walked proud?
My flesh tells me that it would just hurt quietly,
but my heart claims that false, for it knows You hear everything.
Burdens and failures weigh heavily on my chest,
throwing me into turmoil, attempting to steal my rest,
robbing me of the warmth only You give,
trying to drown out the truth You live.
The lies hit me in waves,
unholy whispers from the lost and depraved.
It is easier for the ship on the tempest sea than for me
to hold on to the truth that You have set me free.
Yet You see my weakness and come to my aid,
preparing to turn my distress into praise.
A faint glow begins to grow in the darkness surrounding me.
With rotten hands, the deceivers reach out from the deep,
clawing violently to get a hold of me.
Their burning fingers cannot breach past faith’s shield,
which brings comfort that they will all have to yield.
Soon the fear will be no more as I deeply inhale
and scream out, “Jesus is Lord!”
As swift as an arrow finding its mark,
the words plunge themselves deep within the void’s heart.
In an explosion of light, the darkness disappears.
For a moment, all is still,
and then You appear.
Tears blur my vision as I try to speak,
but all I can manage is to stand here and weep.
You simply smile at this miserable mess,
then beckon me toward You so I may find rest.
I take a step forward and collapse as my legs give out,
falling into Your loving arms.
Your presence lets me know I am safe from all harm.
Sobbing, I beg forgiveness for my sins,
regret washing over me as I remember the filth I have fallen in.
You quiet my sorrow and call me to be still.
I catch a glimpse that this is all part of Your will.
I look up and see You still smiling.
In that instant, so much peace fills my soul
I fear it might inflate and I will start flying.
You tell me that I am going to stumble in this race,
but that if I do not give up, if I never give in,
I can always find You in this familiar place.

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